So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
