Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize