I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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