That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
