Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
