the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
