My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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