By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Screwed.edu
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
