Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
