I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
