She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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