his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
