It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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