You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
