imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
