I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
