you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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