The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
