we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
