best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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