so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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