I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
