life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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