You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
