those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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