I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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