If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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