why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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