yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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