it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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