Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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