I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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