Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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