don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
