Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
