I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
