Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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