the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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