Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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