We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
