in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
