My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
