last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
