you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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