It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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