Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
