things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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