We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
