Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
