are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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