i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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