I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
