plz talk dirty to me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
