I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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