why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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