Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
