just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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