People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
