the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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