tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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