Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She is in my trunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
