How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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