So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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