I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize