I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
