You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
