I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize