maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
