If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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