I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
